16/03/26
eight wins for horror at the oscars last night! eight!!! i don't care much about awards (i mean weapons, frankenstein and sinners are the only 2025 oscar winning films i've seen lol) but it's good to see the genre get the recognition and respect it deserves.
14/03/26
was supposed to go to a gig today but i'm ill. sore throat blocked nose sneezing coughing headache fatigue muscle pain the lot. i felt a tickle in my throat during my last lecture yesterday and had to go for a nap as soon as i got home because i was absolutely exhausted. when i put my head down i knew it was over and that i was going to wake up feeling awful. eating an absurd amount of cashews because they're making me feel a bit better and calories fear ME. also sky broadband is shit can't believe my dad pays so much for it. he got a new router to prove that the issue was with them and not our router and it's gotten even worse. can't get shit done.
13/03/26
go and see the bride!!!
12/03/26
i wish you didn't have to look presentable and somewhat normal to have employment prospects because i'd love to get a scarification piece on my forehead sort of in the area between my eyebrows. this is almost 100% something i am only thinking about because i just got my fringe trimmed and can actually see that area of my forehead again and i will almost definitely get over it by next week but i like complaining about how i'll have to conform somewhat with my appearance if i want to get a decent job in the field i want to work in. is following your plans and desires and dreams worth it if u can't look like a total freak whilst doing it? (probably)
11/03/26
some of my friends are working on an animated adaptation of frankenstein. it is very cool and already looks so promising and is bound to be accurate because they're a bunch of nerds. check it out on twitter or tumblr and if you're cool and love frankenstein or animation and especially if you love both support on patreon.
10/03/26
finally going to see the bride on thursday. not all hope is lost. cinephile back on a roll.
09/03/26
the film club i go to's screening tonight was cancelled because of the fire in the city centre yesterday. fuming. i'm complaining about this to everyone that'll listen.
07/03/26
my loved ones better try to communicate with me after i die. if i don't see an ouija board in our amazon cart the very day afteri kick the bucket i'm haunting you! get more necromantic!!! you're keeping my skull and speaking with me whether you like it or not!
05/03/26
test went better than expected huzzah. think shelley is having some stomach problems now though bless her.
04/03/26
today has been just fantastic. have a test tomorrow that i'm severely underprepared for, had £60 in cash stolen from my bedroom by a family member and my stomach kind of hurts. yay.
02/03/26
a girl i used to be friends with called may 2002 a biopic about me and i still think about it whenever i see may because yes that is in fact me. i love the comparison until i remember who actually said it.
01/03/26
modelos are mentioned 15 times in the bible. desperados are mentioned 22 times. diet coke is mentioned over 40 times, 8 of those times it's paired with rum. take care of your body, drink biblically.
28/02/26
i have dreams about being tired. i can't escape exhaustion and fatigue even in sleep or in rest.
26/02/26
i really want one of those skeleton hand bras but my parents are so nosy about what i order online and i can only be bothered with so many questions.
26/02/26
i've never understood people who talk about 'post-concert depression' until now. always found it kind of weird but napalm death's set was one of the best i've seen, i've seen them before at their 2024 tour but they outdid themselves even without shane, adam was great on bass. ears were ringing, neck and head were sore from headbanging, could not rip the massive smile off my face during scum, they played you suffer at least twice. although i will say i've noticed that barney doesn't really appreciate glasgow's love for a chant lol, he always looks a bit annoyed and says there's no need for it.
my affirmations worked, i behaved myself and did not wake up rough this morning (think that's partially because the venue ran out of red stripe right as i was starting to get pretty drunk haha, gift from god in disguise maybe, i was annoyed at the time but i appreciate it now).
the varukers were also great, anthony martin has such a great and energetic stage presence. didn't enjoy whiplash as much because i'm not big into thrash and i discovered from their set than tony portaro is a bit of a nonce. he said that the crowd was very handsome and beautiful (totally fine) but then went on to specify that the women in particular were very beautiful. i was right at the side of the stage so i could see most of the girls in the front row and most of them looked to be ages with me and quite a few of them younger even. there was one girl in particular he kept on flirting with who was definitely under 18 because she looked young enough to get ided and didn't have a wristband on. then at the end of their set he caressed and kissed every girl at the front's hands??? strange guy.
this is probably verging on being if not long enough to be a regular blog post but i don't feel like making a regular blog.
24/02/26
affirmations because i'm going to napalm death's campaign for musical destruction tour tomorrow and need to behave myself because i have uni the next day:
23/02/26
i actually tried to stay on top of my work during the first couple of weeks of this semester but it was too much for me so instead of just working at a pace that works for me i stopped working almost altogether. it's coming back to bite me in the arse now. i blame my dad he gave me the procrastination gene he's even worse than me.
21/02/26
group projects make me feel like they just let anyone into uni.
20/02/26
haven't been on here much this week because i've been too busy with my uni work (yuck) and my hay day farm. i love hay day and i love my little farm.
15/02/26
when authority figures and men disapprove of my choices and decisions it makes me feel like i'm doing something right. bonus points if it's a male authority figure.
14/02/26
i always feel like i'm wasting my time by wasting away and not doing much that's actually productive then when i do try to be productive it completely does me in. i make myself feel almost guilty about the fact that i'm not doing 'enough' even though i know for certain that i'm putting a lot more effort and time in than a huge chunk of my non-disabled peers. then i realise how stupid that is and go back to rotting guilt-free because i know that it's what my body needs in that moment.
11/02/26
just added my little south park character and papa louie pal and mii not that long ago and i already have to change them because my hair had bleach damage so i had to dye it darker to give it a rest from the bleach. i have to keep them accurate and up to date because i am not a liar. GOODNESS SAKE. i blame the salon more than i do my colour because a girl went there around the same time i last went and ended up with blisters all over her head, i don't think that's a coincidence.
10/02/26
does anyone else frequently think about the fact that there's not just one but two photos of pete shelley and steve diggle kissing? can't just be me surely not.
08/02/26
have a 9am hospital appointment on my day off this wednesday. might kill myself. i don't even have any 9am starts on my timetable this semester.
(edit: i do not it's next wednesday but it's still awful that it's on a wednesday at all.)
05/02/26
got a tattoo this week and it's the first one i've had second skin applied to, my other ones have just been wrapped so far. just took it off and i can already see multiple areas where the ink has lifted quite badly even though i followed all of the artist's instructions and followed proper steps for removal. i'm not really that annoyed about how it looks because she's offered a free touch-up session but i'm very skeptical about her practices because she also didn't id me (when just last week i got my nails done and the nail guy thought i was 14) and recommended vaseline for healing (i've ended up using cocoa butter which she also recommended since she advised against bepanthen for this piece).
02/02/26
i see a lot of people talk about how they wish they could watch their own funeral and i don't care about that at all i'd much rather watch my own autopsy and embalming (that is if i do decide to be embalmed, hopefully i have a decent amount of time to make that decision).
31/01/26
first cinema trip of 2026 was long overdue but i finally saw the bone temple yesterday and it's one of the best cinema experiences i've had in a long time. the film was great and that was obviously a plus but it was mainly great because everyone was so normal!!! i didn't see a single light from a phone or hear anyone speak once, just gasping or laughing at appropriate times. cinema etiquette has gone down the drain, i can't remember the last time i saw a film at a chain cinema without seeing someone on their phone or hearing them speak to someone else, so it was refreshing to go to a screening where everyone acted the only way you should at a cinema. not so friendly reminder that you can check your notifications or talk to your friend once the film is done and when you're not distracting the people around you.
30/01/26
my talent for almost exclusively choosing the moments where i have the absolute worst headaches to listen to bdm and slam is award winning. hacked up for barbeque is worth it.
28/01/26
currently sitting on the floor next to nicki's vivarium whilst i'm catching up with lectures i missed because i dropped one of her water dishes on her tail when i was taking it out and need to monitor her. it was empty, her tail is still attached with no visible injures and she's already back to her usual self after being shaken up for a couple of minutes but i still feel absolutely awful. feeling like a failure of a lizard mum even though i know she's sturdy and these things happen. i'm going to clean her vivarium tomorrow anyway so if there are any injuries that just aren't apparent it'll be sterile for her and i'll be keeping a closer eye on her than usual for the next few weeks. this is soul destroying for me because i feel like i grew her in my own womb and birthed her myself. i edited a picture of her as a juvenile into a picture of a human ultrasound a while ago. that's probably not normal behaviour but she's my baby.
27/01/26
every time i start to feel like i might be getting better because i haven't had a severe crash or an especially bad turn in a while my body likes to remind me that it's called 'chronic' illness for a reason. i abandoned hope of full recovery a long while ago but i'm never going to give up on gradual improvement because i know it is possible, when i first became ill i couldn't even attend school and now i'm at university full time (with better attendance than a lot of the able-bodied people on my course lol) and the gaps between my worse episodes get wider and wider. every reminder that i'll probably have to live the rest of my life like this is quite bleak but it isn't as bad as it always was so i'm guessing it won't always be as bad as it is now either.
26/01/26
i wish that hand tattoos weren't so frowned upon and such an irresponsible choice that totally obstructs your job prospects because i find them sooo chic especially palm tattoos... maybe society will come around someday. i feel similarly about neck tattoos but not as much because i could always scratch that itch with a tattoo behind my ear or somewhere else that's usually covered by my hair.
24/01/26
the heretic nosferatu perfume is quite strange. i bought myself the rollerball to treat myself going into the new year and to have something i can still put on when i can't use spray perfumes because of my respiratory symptoms and it is very nice, it smells really wet and a bit like cucumbers (i didn't watch eggers' nosferatu and think that count orlok or his castle would smell like cucumbers but it's ok) on application and dries down into a damp slightly sweet floral scent with something a bit offputting behind it. after waking up from my post uni nap this thursday it smelled like pure mildew. the slight offputting smell i get from it is mould. the strangest part is that i don't hate it at all and actually enjoy it more now that i notice what it actually is. #rotdaughter and all that.
23/1/2026
i'm doing a pharmacology elective and i'm wondering whether wearing my burroughs t-shirt to the lecture on heroin that's happening later on in the semester would be funny, fucked up or embarrassing (<- girl who thinks that anyone else cares about the same dead junkies as her)